THE EVOLUTION OF A LIAR: WHY ANIMALS (YES, ANIMALS) CHILDREN, AND YOUNG PEOPLE LIE| Dr Manju Antil| Wellnessnetic Care| Counselling psychologist and Psychotherapist| Psychology study material ~ Dr Manju Antil (Counselling Psychologist and Psychotherapist)

Believe it or not, animals always lie because deception is often essential for survival. That is why various insects and reptiles, such as chameleons, change colour or shape to blend into their environment and hopefully be passed over by a predator.

When a squid encounters a predator, it immediately ejects a cloud of ink between itself and the predator. This ink cloud is the same colour and shape as the squid. If all goes well, the predator becomes confused, and the squid scoots away unharmed. When you see a frightened animal with its fur raised, it too is attempting to save its own life. Puffing out its fur gives the illusion that it is more significant than it is. Many mammals do this to ward off potential predators.

Chimpanzees, our closest genetic ancestors in the animal world, always deceive one another. When they are nervous, they will grin widely. When a rival adult male approaches, however, and they do not want him to know they are nervous or in a weaker position, they will often turn away and use their hands to close their lips. They will literally “wipe the grin off their face” to not be attacked. As a result, the other chimpanzee will walk away or go about its business instead of attacking the erstwhile smiling animal, which would have been perceived as weaker and more vulnerable. Chimpanzees have also been known to deceive humans. At a zoo in Sweden, a chimpanzee was fooling zoo visitors by appearing docile and munching on the apple she held in her hand. However, in reality, the chimpanzee hid rocks in her other hand because she wanted to assault any visitors close to her enclosure, which she did several times.

According to animal researcher Maxine Morris, elephants have shown deceptive behaviour toward one another. In observing elephants at the Washington Park Zoo, Morris found that those who quickly ate their allotted bundle of hay during feeding time could often sidle up to the slower eating elephants as they (the fast elephants) swung their trunks aimlessly from side to side, a friendly social gesture. However, their real aim was not to get chummy. They would do this until they were close enough to the other elephant to quickly grab some of its uneaten hay for themselves to eat.

Other mammals have been shown to lie and deceive humans. Take the highly intelligent dolphin. Trainers at the Institute for Marine Mammals Studies taught dolphins to remove trash from the pools by rewarding them with a fish for every haul of trash they brought. Nevertheless, one female dolphin decided she would not bring up all the trash just for one lousy fish. She wanted a lot more fish for her work. So she engaged in some sneaky deception by hiding the trash under a rock at the bottom of the pool. She then brought up the trash and gave it to the trainer one small piece at a time so that she could get a fish with each tiny trash retrieval, thereby increasing the number of fish she received. In essence, she lied to be better compensated for her work.

There is no better example to prove that animals lie than the decades of research at the Gorilla Institute, which houses Koko, the famed gorilla who communicates in sign language. When Koko was only three years old, she broke a toy. When her trainer confronted her about the toy, Koko used sign language to say that Kate (another one of her trainers) had broken the toy. When Koko was five, she broke a kitchen counter by sitting on it. When asked about what happened, Koko once again blamed it on Kate. Another time Koko was reprimanded by a trainer for chewing on a crayon. She immediately pretended she was not chewing it and instead acted as though she was applying it, like lipstick. When pressed about what she had done, Koko finally came clean and told the truth, saying she had been biting the crayon because she was hungry.

Koko also demonstrated a thorough knowledge of lying when she played chase with one of her male trainers and gave him a small bite. When asked what she did, she instantly volunteered in sign language, “Not teeth.” She not only lied and denied she had used her teeth or even bit the trainer, but she gave away additional information about which she had not yet been confronted. When humans give added, unasked-for information, it is often a signal of deception. The same applies to gorillas! When Koko’s handler confronted her, saying, “Koko, you lied!” a contrite Koko admitted in sign language that she was “bad” and did indeed bite. According to her trainers, Koko’s motivation to lie was to avoid punishment.

Annabella does a similar thing to avoid being reprimanded when she knows she did something wrong, like peeing on the carpet or grabbing human food off the table. When the owner confronts her, she often engages in a playful puppy stance with her front paws on the ground and her rear up in the air, tail wagging. She will then dance around and lick the owner to divert her attention from what she has done. Instead of showing any signs of shame or contrition, she aims to ingratiate and distract the owner in hopes that the owner will forget the whole thing.

Annabella also lies to get something she wants, like going outside. She knows how to ring bells attached to the front door to alert the owner to take her out to relieve herself. Whenever she rings the bells, I diligently take her out. However, sometimes she rings the bells to go potty, even though she just went potty moments earlier. She does not have to go potty; she wants to go out again, to play and have fun.

THE INFANT LIAR

Jane would hurriedly dash into the room whenever she heard her three-month-old infant daughter, Amy, crying. Amy cried to let Jane know something was wrong—that she needed to be changed or fed, was too hot or cold, or upset her tummy. Nevertheless, as soon as little Amy turned six months old, Jane began to notice that infant Amy was manipulating her. Jane now observed that Amy’s cries were different than they were before. Amy’s new cry sounded fake because it immediately stopped as soon as Jane entered the room. At six months old, Amy had figured out that all she had to do was let out a cry, and mommy Jane would come running to give her attention whenever she wanted it.

Until recently, most researchers and psychologists believed that children were incapable of lying until they were around four years of age because of the complexity of language and brain development. However, recent studies have revealed that this is not the case. Researchers such as Dr. Vasudevi Reddy of the University of Portsmouth in the United Kingdom have shown that human infants can display signals of deception as young as six months of age, when they quickly learn that engaging in fake crying (pausing until they hear someone responding to them before letting out another cry) and even pretend laughing get them the attention they want.

Dr Reddy’s studies showed that infants cry and laugh at eight months of age to distract a parent’s attention, just as my beloved puppy, Annabella, has been doing since she was three months old. Dr Reddy’s research has also shown that infants lie by pretending to be in pain or injured to gain attention. Cassie, for example, tried to grab a stuffed animal in her crib and fell over as she reached for it. She had fallen over numerous times when going for toys in her crib and never cried. She did not cry until she looked up and observed her mother watching her. Immediately, she began to wail as though she were injured. As soon as mommy picked her up, the “crying” immediately stopped. An infant’s motivation to lie is in her attempt to control the world around her and ensure she gets the attention and comfort she needs.

TODDLER LIARS

As gorilla Koko’s researchers observed, the more Koko’s vocabulary grew, the more tools Koko had to lie. The same is true for toddlers. As toddlers rapidly increase their receptive and expressive communication skills, they have more tools to engage in deceptive behaviour. Toddler Kirsty’s mother placed a cake on the table. She turned her back for only a few seconds to get a knife to cut the cake, return to the table and find a chunk of the cake missing. When she looked across the room, she saw Kirsty with frosting smeared all over her face and little hands. She immediately asked Kirsty if she had eaten the cake, to which Kirsty quickly shook her head and replied, “No,” all the while continuing to avert her eyes from her mother’s gaze.

The evidence was all over her face and hands; Kirsty was lying. Perhaps her mother’s tone of voice alerted her to the fact that she was about to be punished. If so, toddlers like Kirsty lie to avoid punishment. When little Kirsty realized her mother did not believe her response, Kirsty embellished her lie and said, “Mickey eat cake.” Mickey was the family parakeet locked in his cage at the time of the incident. So Kirsty not only lied about eating the cake, but she lied by blaming it on an innocent bystander, the bird. The example of Kirsty illustrates that toddlers may not only lie to avoid punishment but may also lie to make themselves look good.

As we have seen with infants, toddlers may lie to gain attention and reassurance. Little Ryan was not too steady on his feet. He took a spill trying to get from point A to point B and fell flat on his behind. Initially, he did not cry and was ready to pick himself up until he looked back and saw that his dad was watching. He immediately let out a howl as though he were in excruciating pain. As soon as dad came to the rescue, kissed him, and picked him up, Ryan immediately stopped crying and began laughing hysterically. He knew exactly what he was doing! He just wanted a little of dad’s love and attention, and when he got it, he was tickled—hence, his joyous and self-satisfied laugh.

Toddlers may also lie to avoid inconvenience. When Nancy asked her 2 1/2- year-old if he wet his diaper, he responded with an emphatic no when his diaper was soaking wet. He lied because he wanted to keep playing with his trucks and did not feel like being interrupted by a diaper change. According to Dr Reddy’s studies on lying, as toddlers grow older, they continue to lie more often to learn what kinds of lies work in certain situations and what kinds of lies they can get away with. Toddlerhood is also the time children learn the negative consequences of lying. While they often lie to avoid punishment and negative consequences, they soon learn that their lies often result in the same punishment and negative consequences they initially and ironically tried to avoid.

PRESCHOOL LIARS

Ages three to five is a confusing age group in that this is when the child’s fantasy and reality worlds collide. At this stage of development, preschoolers continue to lie to make themselves look good. They also engage in a great deal of wishful thinking, which often results in deceitful behaviour. Children of this age often tell you about imaginary friends and imaginary scenarios.

After four-year-old Bobby told his mom that he had put away all his toys, she found that they were still spread all over the floor of his room. In his developing mind, his fantasy of imagining that he had picked up his toys may have seemed natural to him. While he did not pick up the toys, he may have thought about it before he got sidetracked to going out and playing. Similarly, mom Karen overheard her preschool son Randy talking to her neighbour and their son about how Randy went to a local farm and played with Mickey Mouse, who gave him a birthday present of Legos. First of all, Randy had never been to the farm; second, Mickey Mouse, whom Randy saw last summer in Disneyland, resides in Disneyland, not on the farm; and third, Randy’s birthday was not until three more months. Therefore, he never got Legos because it was not his birthday yet. So Randy told several lies in one.

If we dissect his lies, however, we will see that Randy collapsed his fantasies and wishful thinking into reality to make himself look good in the eyes of his neighbours. Randy saw a local farm television commercial and wanted to go there. He knew that Mickey Mouse lived in some amusement park, so he placed Mickey on the farm in his fantasy. He also knew his birthday was coming up in a few months and wanted Legos, so this final bit of wishful thinking helped create the basis for his lie. Parents must be particularly vigilant about being consistent during this crucial stage of development and help set their preschoolers straight in terms of what is fantasy and reality so that the child learns that lying is not acceptable.

GRADE-SCHOOL LIARS

When a child attends school, teachers and peers usually reinforce the idea that lying is wrong and that one must always tell the truth. Most teachers are on to the “the dog ate my homework” excuse and will not let a child get away with lying. Likewise, if a child’s fellow students know he is exaggerating or lying, they will usually not hesitate to call him. Nevertheless, because school-aged children’s desire to fit in and be socially accepted is so strong, they will often continue to make themselves look good, even if it means lying. For instance, they may often lie about how well they did on a test when they may not have done very well. They will also continue to lie out of convenience. For example, a child may lie that she took a bath and brushed her teeth when she did not because she was too busy playing video games and did not want to be inconvenienced.

The concept of truthfulness can be very confusing to the school-aged child whose parents, teachers, and peers have drummed into him that lying is verboten. Thus, he will often try to tell the truth because he aims to please others. However, in his attempts at being truthful, he may become too truthful and quickly learn that he cannot always tell the truth or he will hurt someone’s feelings. Tommy quickly learned that whenever he lied, it meant that he lost his Internet game privileges. So he made it a point always to try to tell the truth. Nevertheless, his strict adherence to truth-telling was met with confusion at school after he got in trouble for making a female classmate cry by telling her the truth—that he did not want to hold her hand during dance class because he thought she was ugly, smelled terrible, and had sweaty hands.

Tommy’s parents had to explain that “sometimes you have to lie” and not tell the truth not to hurt someone’s feelings. They explained that even though his infant cousin may look like a monkey without a tail (as he once relayed), he must never say that to his aunt or uncle, or their feelings would be hurt. So to add to their confusion, children at this age learn that it is sometimes okay to lie by omission and not always share the truth.

It should also be pointed out that this age of development is crucial for parents to avoid the creation of habitual or pathological liars. Research has shown that children who are severely punished, or given significant punishments for minor infractions, will learn that their fear of punishment outweighs their fear of lying. Therefore, because of the harmful physical and emotional conditioning, such children may protect themselves by continuing to lie to the point where they become habitual or pathological liars.

TEENAGE LIARS

When teenagers lie, it is usually to assert their independence and test boundaries so that they can explore the forbidden, such as sexuality, drinking, smoking, or even taking drugs. Sheila told her mother she was going to Jessica’s house to study. She even called home at dinner time to ask permission to have dinner with Jessica and her family and stay into the evening so they could both study for their exam. Sheila even put Jessica on the phone to reassure her mother that everything was fine with Jessica’s family regarding Sheila coming for dinner. Sheila’s mother was thrilled that her daughter was finally becoming serious about her studies, so she readily agreed to her daughter’s request. Little did she know that Sheila and Jessica were on a double date and that there would be no studying. Sheila’s mother called Jessica’s home around 9 p.m. to ensure everything was fine and to ask when she should pick up her daughter. It was a huge surprise when Jessica’s mother informed her that Sheila had never been there; in fact, she thought Jessica was at Sheila’s house having dinner. Sheila lied because she knew her mother would not agree to her going out on a date during the week, let alone go out with a boy her mother did not know. If teens are caught in a lie, they will often continue to lie to protect themselves or get the demands of their parents, teachers, and even peers off their backs. Even when Joe’s mother had found several joints in his drawer when she was looking for a pen in his room, Joe insisted that the joints were not his and that someone else must have put them there. Even when pressed, he continued to maintain his innocence, insisting to his mother that he never smoked marijuana, even though he got high almost every day.

As you can see from this example, teens will lie to look good in front of others. Joe would never admit that he had ever tried drugs because he would never want his mother to think he was anything but an ideal son. Teens will also lie to look good in front of their peers, as they crave social acceptance and want desperately to fit in. That is why teen boys often lie about their sexual experiences in front of their friends. In contrast, teenage girls will often lie about how popular they are and often exaggerate and over-dramatize experiences and even feign illness to gain sympathy or attention from peers and family members. If a teenager finds that he can repeatedly get away with lies, he may incorporate lying as a way of life. While he may know that what he is doing is wrong, he

I may do it anyway.

Adolescence is the most crucial time in a teen’s life. At this time, they should Be closely monitored by parents and teachers for lying. Authority figures must set boundaries and consequences for lying to make it more difficult for teens to lie. If not, they will be more likely to carry this toxic behaviour into adulthood.