Dr. Manju Antil | Counseling Psychologist | Psychotherapist | Educator| Founder- Wellnessnetic Care

Affair fog is a term increasingly used in clinical psychology and relationship therapy to describe a psychological condition in which individuals involved in an extramarital or extradyadic relationship experience emotional confusion, cognitive dissonance, and a distorted perception of reality. This “fog” not only alters the way they view their current relationship and partner but also idealizes the affair partner to the point of denying logic, empathy, and prior emotional truths.

It is not merely a metaphor—it is a deeply rooted psychological response arising from intense emotional arousal, neurochemical changes, unmet relational needs, and often, unresolved trauma or identity confusion. The result? A person swept away in a fantasy-driven narrative that disrupts personal values, long-standing commitments, and emotional clarity.

This phenomenon, though painful, is not irreversible. With the right insight and therapeutic understanding, the fog can be cleared—and that’s what this blog aims to unpack.

Explaining Affair Fog: A Clinical Perspective by Dr. Manju Antil

I am Dr. Manju  Antil, a Assistant Professor at Apeejay Stya University, and founder of Wellnessnetic Care. With over a decade of experience in projective and psychometric assessments, mental health advocacy, and therapeutic practice, I have worked extensively with individuals navigating emotional trauma, complex relationships, and digital-age distress patterns.

Through this blog, I will break down the concept of affair fog—from its psychological and neurobiological foundations to its real-world impact—and provide forward-thinking strategies for healing, whether you're the one in the fog or the one hurt by it.

Let’s begin.

What Is Affair Fog?

Affair fog is a temporary state of emotional and cognitive distortion that occurs when a person becomes emotionally or physically involved in a secondary relationship while still attached to a primary one.

In this state, individuals often:

• Idealize the affair partner as “the one” or a “soulmate”
• Devalue or rewrite the history of their primary relationship
• Justify secrecy and betrayal by minimizing the impact
• Withdraw empathy from their current partner
• Confuse intensity with intimacy

The affair often feels like an escape from dissatisfaction or emotional neglect, but in reality, it becomes a psychological trap—a foggy terrain where the person loses their ethical bearings, emotional depth, and relational context.

The Neuroscience Behind the Fog

From a neurobiological viewpoint, affair fog mimics the early phases of romantic love or even addictive behavior. Here's how:

• Dopamine – Reinforces the pleasure-reward cycle, causing a “high” during secret interactions.
• Oxytocin – Creates false intimacy and bonding, even in emotionally superficial affairs.
• Adrenaline – Heightens the thrill factor, making the affair seem urgent and extraordinary.

These neurochemicals hijack the brain's reasoning systems, leading to poor decision-making, impulsive behaviors, and emotional rationalization.

Psychological Defense Mechanisms in Action

Affair fog is sustained by a set of unconscious defense mechanisms:

• Denial – Refusing to acknowledge the harm caused
• Projection – Blaming the primary partner for personal dissatisfaction
• Minimization – Downplaying the seriousness of the affair
• Fantasy formation – Building an idealized story about the affair partner and future

These defenses offer temporary emotional relief but prevent genuine self-awareness and relationship repair.

The Impact on the Betrayed Partner

While the involved partner is lost in the fog, the betrayed partner often experiences emotional trauma akin to post-traumatic stress. Their world is disrupted without closure, and they may experience:

• Emotional invalidation and gaslighting
• Loss of identity, trust, and psychological safety
• Obsessive rumination and self-blame
• Relationship grief—even when the relationship continues

Often, the pain is intensified when the involved partner remains emotionally absent or confused due to the fog.

Modern Manifestations: The Digital Age of Affair Fog

Affair fog is no longer limited to physical infidelity. In today’s hyperconnected world, many affairs are:

• Emotional – Involving deep connection via messages, calls, or online interactions
• Virtual – Maintained through social media DMs, late-night texts, and secret accounts
• Ambiguous – Occurring within “situationships” or undefined commitments

This makes emotional boundaries harder to define, especially for Gen Z and millennials, who often struggle to distinguish emotional intimacy from ethical commitment.

How to Clear the Fog: A Step-by-Step Path

Clearing affair fog requires courage, insight, and professional support. Here’s how the process begins:

1. Cut Emotional Ties with the Affair Partner

Without emotional distance, the fog cannot lift.

2. Seek Individual Therapy

Understand why the affair occurred—emotionally, relationally, and psychologically.

3. Practice Radical Self-Honesty

Challenge the fantasy and re-evaluate the facts of your relationship.

4. Acknowledge the Harm Done

Take full accountability, not just for your actions, but for the emotional consequences they caused.

5. Work Towards Clarity—Not Just Closure

Whether or not the relationship survives, seek emotional clarity and self-integration.

 Closing Thoughts: From Fog to Freedom

Affair fog is not a sign of evil or weakness. It is a symptom of emotional confusion, often stemming from unresolved wounds, unmet needs, and identity diffusion. But like all symptoms, it can be healed with insight, therapy, and intention.

As a psychologist, I do not shame individuals for being in the fog—but I do hold space for accountability, clarity, and relational maturity.

You can clear the fog.
You can reconnect with your values.
You can build or rebuild relationships grounded in truth.

If you found this article helpful or insightful, feel free to share it with someone who may be navigating emotional confusion in their relationship. For therapy inquiries, speaking engagements, or mental health consultations, visit me at www.psychologistmanjuantil.com.